The next few days, I stayed at the hospital as they continued to lower my blood pressure. Matt came and stayed as much as he could, but he had classes and work to attend to, so I understood why he couldn't stay. The nurses came in constantly to check my vitals, so I was still not able to get good rest. But I was free to go see Riley whenever I wanted. Day or Night. That made everything better.
I asked the nurses to take my morphine IV out after about 24 hours of having it. Moving the IV was just too cumbersome when I went to see Riley. His little cubical was full with enough stuff without me dragging an IV with both me and my wheelchair. I could manage the pain if I was able to see my sweet boy. I did learn that I'm definitely allergic to that clear tape in the hospital - it blistered my skin. Won't let that happen again.
Without the IV, it was easier to hold him. I'd hold him for as long as the doctors would let me. I still felt guilty about him being so small, but every day he was gaining weight - so I would cheer him on ounce by ounce. I would try to support him every way I could. If I couldn't hold him in my arms, I would hold his tiny hand and read to him.
About the forth day, after Riley was born, my milk came in. I'm glad it wasn't any sooner considering all the drugs they were putting in me - especially that magnesium. I was glad to get that out of my system. Anyway, the lactation nurse was supposed to come that morning, but it was late afternoon before she came to see me. She showed me how to use the pump,and tugged on my boob with shaking hands. Her hands were shaking so much they made me nervous.
I brought the miniscule amount of milk that I produced down to Riley right away. It was hardly anything, really, but it was enough. I held him as he was being fed through a tube in his nose. I felt that I was finally able to nourish him. I felt very thankful.
Over they next couple days, I continued to pump for Riley. I had a couple of random people just walk in on me when I was pumping, which made for some awkward situations - especially when it was a minister from Matt's parents church that walked in when I had my boobs out. After that, I made sure the nurses knew when I was pumping.
Riley was doing very well. None of the nurses were worried about him. He was thriving. It was harder to tell that he was thriving for me. He was still so small and would only gain an ounce or two everyday. He was always on my mind. He was just so small. But looking at the other pre-miees that were born around the same stage, he was much bigger. I tried to take that to heart.
The Doctor came by on Saturday and told me that I was well enough to go home and they would process me out on Sunday morning. I had mixed feelings about this, but I missed my bed at home. Spending a month on hospital beds was long enough.
